DC

I sit here looking at the computer screen with my only comfort coming from knowing there is a silver can of DC (diet coke for those not-in-the-know) calling my name 3 feet away. I cannot wait to taste the aspartame, brown bubbly treat but there is one thing holding me back. I don't have any napkins nearby. What? you ask. Can this guy not have a sip without drooling all over himself over such a caffeine buzz? you ask again. On the contrary my friend, I could gulp down a 12-oz can in (insert low number here) seconds.

The napkin deficiency lies with the initial ker klunk of opening the can. You see, I don't know what it is, but everytime I open a can of soda I can't help but be sprayed with bubbly goodness all over my hands. The germ-a-phobe I am, I don't want to have to lick four out of five fingers, fingers that have been typing away on my germ-laden keyboard all afternoon (okay so I only use 2 fingers to type, you get the point) and slowly stripping the paint off my mouse, um where did that mouse-paint go? No thanks, I'd much rather open the can with the napkin covering the can, or in public places to not look like a freak, have a napkin to wipe off excess fluids.

Why should we have to go to this much trouble? Is it not possible to innovate on the 60-year old aluminum can? I find this hard to believe. In fact I think previous aluminum cans were better when the opening was more vertical and less horizontal as today's cans are. It would be simple to have some sort of a pyramid of aluminum or dented opening cover thingy so as to prevent less splash upon the impact of the aluminum doing a belly-flop on my liquidy friend.

Also, while you're at it, get rid of the narrow canyon around the edge that traps dirt in it and offer a smooth crevice that can be easily wiped with the edge of my shirt.